Holy Hot Flashes, Batman!

Another giftie from Clomid this time around. I'll be glad when I move onto the next medication in the cycle.

I'm also not sleeping well, but I don't know if this is because of the meds or my depression.

Why I Like Mountain Biking Gloves Better Than Gardening Gloves

Because they have a little patch of terry cloth to wipe your sweaty forehead with.

Most. Boring. Summer. Ever.

After starting the summer self-medicating with caffeine and sugar, I've moved onto tequila. Hmmm. That sounds bad. It's not that bad. I'm not talking about shots or anything.

I'm just freakin' bored. I'm either really busy running around with a lot of stuff to do (none of which has really been all that entertaining) or else I'm sitting at home doing nothing. Well, not really nothing, but you know... nothin'. Nothing of interest, nothing to report...

I've been hanging out with the Monkey a lot -- obviously, as that sort of is my j-o-b in the summer. He's fun (most of the time). He's learning to talk so that's neat. He has a vocabulary of about fifty words, if you count animal sounds (he knows about fifteen of those). Sign language adds about ten or fifteen more words to his communication arsenal. But for the most part, he's not exactly intellectually stimulating company. The days when he's not at daycare and we hang out at home consist mostly of me reading a book while he swims in his baby pool (he's a daredevil with the little pool slide that's attached) or plays ball by himself. I think he finds me sort of boring, too, because on the days when I do drop him off at daycare, his face shows undisguised glee when he sees the other kids. Playing with kids your own age has to beat hanging out with your mom no matter what your age, I guess.

I'm not really that big of a slacker. I'm back to (trying to) garden, here where I have to try to fight off the encroaching woods and the plant-eating critters. It's overwhelming, though, which is why I haven't done much green-thumb-wise since we moved out here. I used to be able to do nerdy garden-girl things like tell you the Latin names for certain flowers and plants, so maybe I'll get into it again. If the deer don't get everything. I'm still running and working out, most days.

I'm not really that big of a slacker. I'm back to (trying to) garden, here where I have to try to fight off the encroaching woods and the plant-eating critters. It's overwhelming, though, because of the size of our property, the woods and everything, which is why I haven't done much green-thumb-wise since we moved out here. I used to be able to do nerdy garden-girl things like tell you the Latin names for certain flowers and plants, so maybe I'll get into it again. If the deer don't get everything. I'm still running and working out, most days. Sometimes the Monkeyboy and I take a little hike in the woods. Still haven't gotten him into the bike trailer, other than the inaugural journey, though. Probably because it's a lot of work for a minimum payoff.

Frieda and I were going to go see Antigone Rising next weekend, but as usual, she's broke so that's out. And we were going to go see Will Hoge tonight, but she's blowing me off for Bible Study (no comment). Slaid Cleaves is coming in July, but it so happens that a baby shower is scheduled for the same night. (What kind of asshole schedules a Friday night baby shower? My friend J-, that's who.) So, Frieda and I are on the fence as to whether we go to the shower or just send a gift but blow off the actual event and go have some fun. I bet Frieda bails on me again. Honestly, the next fun-ish thing on the horizon is vacation at the end of July, but I'm being reserved about that. It will either be a lot of fun, very relaxing, or will suck in a big way. I'm just going to have to wait and see.

So I've been reading. A lot. And playing on the internet. A lot. And watching more than my usual dose of TV. And banging my head repeatedly against the wall. Oh, wait... no I haven't. It just sometimes feels like I have been.

Firefly

I needed a change from my usual Northern Exposure episodes that I watch while I run on the treadmill, so I asked The Hubster to put Joss Whedon's single-season (canceled) TV show Firefly into his Netflix queue.

I'm addicted.

There's just something about the worlds created by Joss that draw me in. I was a late-comer to Buffy, maybe starting to watch around season three, but became a die hard fan almost immediately. Angel, of course, I jumped on as soon as it started, already being invested in Buffy as I was. I admit I did abandon Angel after a few seasons, but like so many others, returned once Buffy was canceled. (Actually, I returned before Buffy was canceled, because I wanted to watch all the cross-over episodes of the last season). I have stayed faithful to both through their current re-run schedules.

Firefly has drawn me in from the first episode. I love the snappy dialogue (although I have to watch it with the sub-titles on so I can catch it all over the drone of the treadmill).

It's bittersweet that there's only one season. On the one hand, there's no false promise of "more" and then a shocking and disappointing cancellation. But then, there's just no promise of more at all.

You know what Tom Petty says...

The waiting is the hardest part.

I started Clomid cycle #2. I hate TTC because everything about it is so slow. The whole month is an excruciating wait.

One Down, Two To Go

I had a fun conversation with my doctor today. In addition to discussing my not being pregnant, he told me that he'll only do three cycles of Clomid (so, two more) before he refers me to someone else. Which I can't afford.

I also am never going to be an award winning blogger, because I can't even remember to focus on the important details of the conversation in order to record them later, either for internet-posterity or my own personal medical file. For instance, after I hung up, I realized that he had told me what my day 26 progesterone was, but I can't remember what he said. It was fifty-something. That's all I can remember. I do know he said that meant it was ovulatory, and whereas I know that most docs like to see a 7dpo progesterone of at least 10 unmedicated and at least 20 medicated, what effect does the fact that I am taking supplemental progesterone have on this level? I would assume it would raise my blood progesterone level (otherwise it wouldn't seem to be doing its job). So, assuming that, does my blood progesterone level really tell us anything?

Big Freakin' Negative

I have a prescription for bloodwork to be done today to have my progesterone checked and a quantitative HCG done. Because I wanted to know the results of the pregnancy test before the doctor's office calls me (I'm not a fan of surprises), I took a home test this morning. I'm twelve days past ovulation. It was as white at the proverbial driven snow.

So now I'll be on to month two of Clomid, that is, once the doctor's office calls me and my period starts. I'm of two minds about this. Part of me is fine with it, because February would have been a little too early in the school year to have a baby (if I'm trying to plan it). I'd much rather have a baby in March, April or May. But part of me is stressed because Clomid didn't work (well, it may have "worked," but it didn't get me pregnant) and all the implications this has for future cycles. It would have been nice to have been done with all this TTC stuff and all the stress and obsessing that comes with it. I have three more shots this summer to achieve a Spring baby (and even trying during my September cycle means I'll have an EDD of mid-June which isn't too bad).

So I'm fine that it didn't work in terms of scheduling, but worried that since it didn't work this time, it might not work at all.

Summer Libation

So, the Hubster mixed me a new drink tonight. Or five. I found the recipe in his latest edition of Playboy. It's called a Paloma. I highly recommend it.

Two Week Wait

Depending on who you believe (Fertility Friend or TCOYF), I am either 4 or 5 DPO. Either way I am firmly in the Two Week Wait. When we were TTC the Monkey, I almost never tested. I think I tested one cycle because my temperature hadn't dropped by fourteen DPO and it should have (my period started later that day regardless of my temp not dropping). And I tested the cycle I got pregnant with the Monkey, because I didn't take my temp that weekend (or took it late or slept with my mouth open or something that made me think it was unreliable). In fact, I couldn't have been more shocked to see that faint second line appear on that test, 12 DPO.

But this cycle I am dying to test. It's that I had an HSG last cycle and then Clomid (etc) this cycle. We've followed our recipe exactly... you know, the recipe that got us pregnant last time. I've been searching the chart gallery on Fertility Friend, looking for charts like mine, or seeing how many charts had early BFPs. I have a prescription for a progesterone check and a quantitative beta to be done sometime CD 24-26, which is next Monday or Tuesday.

Lyrically Speaking

And I wonder when I sing along with you,
If everything could ever feel this real forever.
If anything could ever be this good again,
The only thing I'll ever ask of you.
You gotta promise not to stop when I say when.
She sang.

-- Foo Fighters, "Everlong," The Colour and The Shape (1997)