Milestone?

17 weeks, 2 days. At this point in my last pregnancy, I was halfway and didn't know it. (Actually, that would technically be 17 weeks, and 2 1/2 days, but close enough). Just another of the big "Wait-and-Sees" of pregnancy.

Nevermind...

Wow! The amnio results came in extra quick (eight days). Everything's normal, 46 chromosomes, no more, no less and.... another boy!

All I can say is, my house is going to be like a rodeo if this one's anything like the Monkeyboy.

Place your bets!

Just for fun, I've decided to add a poll (to the right) as to the sex of the baby. (It's really to help me bide the time until the amnio results come in.) As of now, I've left the poll open until next Thursday, December 27, which is the day of my level II ultrasound, but I reserve the right to close it suddenly whenever amnio results come in if I can't wait any longer for the big reveal.

If you've been reading along, you may have all the clues you need to make your guess. If you're just joining us, the story thus far:

• 37 years old (The Hubster: 38)
• One son, The Monkeyboy (16 cycles + Clomid round 1)
• TTC#2 (13 cycles + Clomid round 4 + Omega 3-6-9)
• "Did it" three days in a row (the third being the day of ovulation)
• High hCG; high progesterone (even beyond what supplemetation levels should have been)
• Extreme fatigue during first trimester (probably the progesterone)
• No morning sickness, but nausea in the evening during first trimester
• Tender breasts (up a cup size+)
• A few breakouts the first trimester, but that's stopped (*knock wood*)
• Heartrate by ultrasound: 12 weeks, 160s; 16 weeks, 150s
• Heartrate by doppler: 12 weeks, 148; 17 weeks, 142
• Carrying a little lower than the Monkeyboy, but OB says this is typical for second pregnancies
• Cravings: Steak and Shake burgers, hardboiled eggs, chocolate (Craved orange flavored stuff with the Monkeyboy and haven't had that this time; and I always crave chocolate, pregnant or not)
• Food aversions: ground meat (only in some situations) and chicken (again, only in some situations -- mostly just the smell of cooked chicken)
• Very hungry all the time
• Gained 9 pounds so far (at 17 weeks)

Please vote. Answer will be revealed no later than December 27.

Honeymoon Trimester

The second trimester is often called the "Honeymoon Trimester," because the agonies of the first are over, while the agonies of the third have yet to start. My honeymoon seems well underway. I no longer am roused in the middle of the night for a bathroom visit (instead, I'm often roused by a sick 2-year-old, but that's beside the point). I never really experienced morning sickness, but any minor nausea I had seems to have disappeared. Overall, I feel pretty good.

From experience I know that my honeymoon will be a short one. During my first pregnancy, I had foreshadowing of the third trimester terror-to-come by about twenty weeks. This time, I've had those hints already. A little numbness in my hands and arms after sleeping, a mild jittery feeling in my legs some evenings. I expect to start really feeling like crap by mid-January. But for now, I'm enjoying the uninterrupted sleep and trying not to think about what's to come.

I had a regular OB appointment yesterday. I'm measuring right on for 17 weeks. The heartrate was about 142. (The heartrate is always higher on ultrasound and lower by my doctor's doppler, so I'm not sure what's up with that. I think it's an old-school doppler and that they calculate the heartrate the old-school way -- count for ten seconds and multiply -- so I'm not sure that it's accurate). She also had the updated results from my First Trimester Screening (NT scan and bloodwork). Risk of Down Syndrome (Trisomy 21) based solely my age (37) is 1:230 and risk of all other genetic disorders is 1:140. My risk after the screening was 1:1200; my risk of Trisomy 18 was 1:99,500. I'm still waiting for my amnio results, so I hate to get overconfident, but those numbers make me feel pretty good. I hope to hear from the genetic counselor by Friday, which would be ten days from my amnio. I think results only took ten days with the monkeyboy. I'm worried that if I don't hear by Friday, then I won't hear anything until after Christmas.

I also asked her about my weight gain with the Monkeyboy's pregnancy, for comparison purposes, prefacing this question with a statement as to the effect, "I don't want to sound weight-obsessed, but I was curious..." The weeks of my appointments that time and this time don't exactly match up, but they're close enough for government work, as the saying goes. So, as for the stats: first pregnancy, at 15 weeks, up 8.5 pounds and at 19 weeks, up 10 pounds; this pregnancy, at 17 weeks, up 9 pounds. Right on target for where I want to be. I just wanted to make sure I could keep justifying those extra brownies. ("My baby wants a brownie" is my favorite excuse in the whole wide world. After my first pregnancy, my brother-in-law even now uses it as an excuse for himself.)

My level II ultrasound is scheduled for December 27. Unless they decide that there's a reason to take another look after that (last time I had a low placenta and they wanted to check the position at 28 weeks), I won't be seeing this little bugger again until it's born.

Amnio

I had my amnio yesterday. Going into it, I was a strange mixture of both nervous and calm. I had an amnio with the Monkeyboy, so I knew what to expect. I wasn't dreading it, but I wasn't looking forward to the procedure either, for obvious reasons. I was looking forward to getting it over and done with, so that I could be that much closer to results.

Before the amnio, we had a genetic counseling appointment. We had updated our family history when I had the first trimester screening a few weeks ago, so the appointment was short. One new piece of information was that they've updated the amnio risk of miscarriage to 1 in 1000. (I think when I had amnio done with the Monkeyboy they were still using the old 1 in 300 statistic, although my research had told me the risk was lower). The counselor also told me that the same doctor that did my first amnio would be doing this one. That was comforting to hear, because the last one was minimally uncomfortable and had no complications.

Before the amnio, they do an anatomy ultrasound. This one wasn't as detailed as the one they did with Monkeyboy, but I think I was a few weeks farther along last time. The baby's heartrate was 151. I asked the tech if she could determine the baby's sex, but she wasn't very helpful. She said that "At this point of development, they all have something there..." which isn't exactly true, although it can still be difficult to tell at this point. Then she made a cursory attempt to look, but said she couldn't get a good shot. She spent more time trying to measure the leg bone than trying to get a "money shot." I'm placated by the fact that I will know for sure within two weeks. As far as I am concerned, that's one of the upsides to having an amnio.

It takes longer for them to prep everything for the procedure than the actual procedure takes. After being thoroughly swabbed with Betadine, the doctor placed drapes all around the lower part of my abdomen. Then the ultrasound tech found a spot where there was a good sized pocket of amniotic fluid, away from the placenta and the baby (although closer to the placenta and the baby than I remember it being last time). The doctor told me he'd explain the procedure as if I hadn't had it done before, telling me what was happening every step of the way. When the needle goes through the skin, it feels like the sharp pinch of a blood draw. (Have I mentioned I don't watch this part? I watch the ultrasound screen the whole time.*) Then, when the needle pierced the uterus, it feels like the "shock" you get when you hit the "funny bone" in your elbow (actually the ulnar nerve). At this point, it was a little more uncomfortable than I remember it being, as the doctor sort of moved the needle around a little bit to get it in deeper and in a good position. The needle itself being there didn't hurt, but the movement of the needle caused me some twingey pains.

He drew a couple of vials of fluid, but kept giving me an update as to how much longer it would take ("About a minute left... about thirty seconds longer..."). When he was done, he said I would feel a burning sensation as he withdrew the needle, but I didn't. I just felt relief as soon as it cleared the skin. I've been sore and a little crampy since then, which is normal, but feeling better all the time.

The tech checked the baby via ultrasound for a few moments after the amnio and also checked the heartrate again (which was 157) just to make sure the baby wasn't distressed. After cleaning up my orange Betadine belly, we were out of there. The entire process took about an hour.

Results should take about ten days, according to the doctor. I think that's about what it took last time, too. The genetic counselor has my cell phone number, since I'll probably be at work when she calls. Now I just have to wait.

ULTRASOUND PIC WILL BE ADDED HERE ONCE I EDIT OUT MY NAME, ETC.

*Especially after last time, when the Hubster described the needle as "a broom straw." I don't need to see my skin being punctured with a nine-inch needle, thank you.

T minus 18 hours and counting

Amnio tomorrow morning. Wish me luck!

Chris Trapper

I'm excited to report that Chris Trapper, who canceled the show scheduled for October, has scheduled another for just before Christmas. And apparently he's recorded a Christmas CD, so he'll be playing some of it at the show.

I'm actually looking forward to the Christmas music, since I'm a big (nerdy) fan of Christmas tunes. What I hope, however, is that he's still willing to play the non-Christmas requests that he allows fans to make via his website. My requests will probably include "Forget Me," from his most recent solo CD, Hey You, and a few favorites from his Push Stars days, maybe "Waiting, Watching, Wishing" or "Sofkuri's Room" (sorry, no sample available).

Éste no es el sitio para usted

If you've landed here looking for the lyrics to Scott Blasey's song "San Antonio," I apologize. I've learned through StatCounter that a surprising number of people have come here looking for just that ("lyrics San Antonio Scott Blasey," although not as many as landed here searching for "6dpo" or "Dar Williams setlist"). I did a google search myself to see what was going on and I was surprised to discover that I come up on the first search page because I have the song listed in my most recent playlist on the sidebar.

Again, I apologize. I don't have the lyrics. He has a website. It's www.(hisname).com. Email him. His email is scott@(hisname).com. (I'm not linking to it or writing it out because I don't want him to find out I gave it to you! If you're not smart enough to decipher the "secret code," well then... cough cough... I don't know what to say). But, seriously; he's a chatty guy, he's actually very friendly, and he will probably write you back.

And if this is your question, as far as I can tell the line is "Es la chica para usted," which means "she is the girl for you," but I could be wrong. I failed eleventh grade Spanish, after all.

Better Late Than Never (or early, in some cases)

I can't believe that there's only one more day left in November and I forgot to mention that November is Prematurity Awareness Month. Very fitting, as it's also the month that the Monkeyboy was born -- 6 weeks early.

Visit the March of Dimes. Read the stories of the babies. Purchase a band to commemorate a premature birth or just make a donation. If you're pregnant, learn about what you can do to prevent premature birth.

Climbing down off my soap box...

No Excuses

I really have no excuse for being MIA for so long. I guess I just figured that since NaBloPoMo was shot to hell already, I'd just take the holiday weekend (and then some) off.

Updates:

• The Monkeyboy may or may not have Fifth Disease. He's had cold symptoms for about a week. Then on Sunday he had the "slapped cheeks" look. By Monday it had faded and he had a rash on his torso and legs, as well as a fever. As of yesterday, though, the rash had faded even more, but didn't really have the "lacey" look it was supposed to. Regardless, I've spoken to the PA at my OB's office and I'm having the antibody bloodtest done.
• My amnio is scheduled for December 11. It will be a torturous two week wait to get there, then another torturous two week wait for the results.
• My level II ultrasound is scheduled for December 27.
• I've finished the Harry Potter series. Whew!

Maternity Clothes Rant

Last weekend, I spent time shopping for maternity clothes in order to fill in the gap in my maternity wardrobe so that I have something to wear right now. The capris and short skirts that got me through my late-first-trimester, early-second-trimester, I'm-not-fat-I'm-pregnant awkward stage in my first pregnancy aren't going to cut it in my second. After all, it's not June and July this time, it's November and December.

I'd forgotten that maternity clothes makers seem to have their own set of "What Not to Wear" rules when it comes to dressing the pregnant woman. Apparently, in between hits on their crack pipes, they've made a whole set of assumptions about how pregnant women want to dress.

• Since I'm having a baby, I must want to dress like a baby. Therefore, pastel colors of pink and blue are preferred, as are patterns like cute polka-dots.
• Since my uterus is growing, I must also have grown several inches in height. Therefore, pants are made to come in only one inseam length. Petite (or even "short") maternity clothes are as rare as the pygmy three-toed sloth.
• Since pregnancy has granted me an awesome new rack, I must want to show it off as much as possible, Therefore, all clothes must be extremely low cut or otherwise revealing.
• Since I will be pregnant for a mere forty weeks, I must want to spend as much or more on maternity clothes as I spend on my real wardrobe that I can wear year after year. Therefore, quality maternity clothes will be $90 blouses, $108 jeans and $200 dresses.

Luckily, I was able to find a few choice items of the type of things I had in mind. Hopefully it will be enough to carry me through until I can break out the big clothes.

Nuchal Translucency

(And with a few more days off from work, NaBloPoMo has taken another hit. I hate to think what will happen over Thanksgiving Break.)

Yesterday was my First Trimester Screening (nuchal translucency scan and bloodwork), as well as a regular OB appointment.

I've never had an ultrasound at 12 weeks, so I was glad to see that the two rocks I had a few weeks back have grown into a baby. The nuchal measurement was 1.5 mm, which is good. Now I'm just waiting to get my own personal risk factor after they process my bloodwork. Not that it matters, because I'll be calling to schedule my amnio soon anyway, regardless.

The heartrate on the ultrasound was 160 bpm, but later that afternoon when my OB used the doppler, he told the nurse 148. Maybe the baby was taking a nap at the second appointment. I got a prescription for amnio (I didn't get one last time and don't think I need it, but took it anyway) and also got the order for my 18 week level II ultrasound, so I can call and schedule it over my Christmas Break and not have to take another day off work (I'm running out).

Since my appointment three weeks ago, I've gained another pound and a half. I didn't want to bother the OB about it, but the next time I go in I'll see the PA again and I know she'll humor me and look up my weight gain at various points during my previous pregnancy. I remember being very happy with my rate of weight gain; it never seemed too much or too little. And by the time I delivered at 34 weeks, I had gained 29 pounds. I think if I had gone to term, I would have gained around 35 pounds, which was within the range with which I was comfortable. I just wish I had noted my weight gain somewhere, so I could refer to it now. But I know it's in my chart and I'll have to wait to check it there.

Right before I left the doctor's office, as I was checking out, my OB came back over to me and started flipping through my chart that was lying there on the counter.

"How early did you deliver last time?" He asked, as if he had just remembered that I had delivered prematurely.

"Thirty-four weeks. And five days, I think." Although I know for sure that it was thirty-four weeks and five days. I'm not sure why I felt I had to be obtuse about it.

"Did we ever determine why?" He was still frantically flipping through my chart. At this point, I gave up any pretense of not knowing for sure the details.

"I came in on October 27 for spotting and contractions, and it turned out I had a yeast infection and BV, which I was treated for, although I hadn't had any symptoms of either. Then on November 5 my water broke."

"Well, we're going to monitor you very closely this time." He turned to the nurse, "Put a note in her chart to check her for BV at her 20 weeks appointment."

I didn't mention that at my first appointment, I had the PA check me for BV and yeast, and she said there was "maybe a tiny bit of bacteria up there, but not much" and gave me a prescription for Flagyl anyway. She told me to wait until I was out of the first trimester until I took it, since some doctors believe it may be associated with birth defects if used then. I still haven't taken it. I think I'll start by the fourteenth week, so I know for sure I'm out of the first trimester, no matter how you count, but that it's done its job by the time I have my amnio.

Glad to know

I never actually thought about it, but frankly I'm not surprised to find out that Mimi Maternity and Motherhood Maternity stores welcome breastfeeding. All the same, it's nice to see them advertise it. While shopping today, I saw this sign in the dressing room.

Land of Twins

Igbo-Ora, Nigeria. Soon they'll be offering fertility vacation packages, no doubt.

The rate of identical twins is pretty steady throughout the world at about 0.5 percent of all births, according to a 1995 study by Belgian researcher Fernand Leroy, who has worked extensively on twins.

Overall, almost 5 percent of all Yoruba births produce twins, the Belgian study said, compared with just around 1.2 percent for Western Europe and 0.8 percent for Japan -- although fertility drugs in the developed world are changing those figures.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20071112/wl_africa_afp/nigeriafamilytwins

http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/people/highlights/010607_twins.shtml

Lyrically Speaking

There's the wind and the rain
And the mercy of the fallen
Who say hey it's not my place to know what's right
There's the weak and the strong
And the many stars that guide us
We have some of them inside us

-- Dar Williams, "Mercy of the Fallen," Beauty of the Rain (2003)

Wakey wakey, hands off... (nevermind)

When I got up last night for my middle-of-the-night-pee (so far, I'm only doing this once per night), I could not get back to sleep. It was 3:30 a.m. and I was wide awake. And still awake at 3:52 a.m. And still awake at 4:17 a.m. The last time I looked at the clock before falling asleep, it was 5:10 a.m.

My alarm goes off at 5:25 a.m.

Over last weekend, I awoke one morning at 6:00 a.m. and lay awake for almost an hour before falling back to sleep. And since this pregnancy has started, it's happened often; early morning wakings where I can't fall back to sleep.

During my pregnancy with the Monkey, I woke two, three, four or more times during the night. Several of those were for bathroom trips, but often it was just to adjust my (five) pillows or shake my hands and arms awake. It was an uncomfortably poetic foreshadowing to the sleep habits of the Monkey. This is a little boy who will sleep in, wonderfully so, but it comes at a price. He sleeps restlessly and wakes often during the night.

Now I find myself wondering if this new sleep impediment of mine is again a foreshadowing of another's future sleep habits. I'm hoping it's not.

Lesson Learned #1

Just get up and go.

When you wake up in the middle of the night because you have to go to the bathroom, just get up and go the first time you wake up. Otherwise, you'll either keep waking up or just lie awake needing to go anyway. Better to just get up and go and get back to sleep.

Yeah, well, I tried

Yes, this weekend I fell off the NaBloPoMo wagon.

It was a busy, busy weekend which I will post an update about. Several updates, in fact. I am going to continue to try to keep up with every other day this month, but decided not to cheat and backdate posts. I will have a couple of posts that were intended for the last two days -- think of them as the "lost episodes" -- to bring me up to date. They'll be posted soon to fill in the gap. Although I didn't accomplish the goal of posting every day, I will have the same total number of posts, so in that way I'll feel like I accomplished something.

Better luck next year.

Lactivism is universal

A golden retriever in Virginia started nursing an orphaned kitten when the kitten wouldn't drink from a bottle. Mom, is that you? Orphaned kitten nursed by local dog

The dog named Honey hadn’t given birth in 18 months — but an orphaned kitten’s cries made her start producing milk.

This just goes to show, anyone can breastfeed if they're determined enough to do it.

All-natural

A few days ago I scheduled my first trimester screening (nuchal translucency scan and bloodwork). I didn't have this done with the Monkey, mainly because it wasn't very common yet two years ago and it wasn't offered. It still wasn't actually offered to me by my doctor, but I found out that the genetic counseling department at the hospital where I delivered now does them, so I asked for one. Last time, we skipped the triple screen and went straight for the amnio (done by the same place where I'll have my NT scan) because I just had to have a definitive answer. We'll still have an amnio done, because the first trimester screening is just that -- a screening where they determine your risk of a defect. An amnio is an actual test. But I have to admit, since it's covered by my insurance, I can't pass up the chance for another early ultrasound. (It sounds so shallow and paranoid when I write it, though).

When I called to schedule this appointment, the genetics department still had most of my medical information in their system. I did have to update it and answer some questions about the current pregnancy, though. Most were the usual, "What was the first day of your last menstrual period?"-type medical history questions.

However, the question that caught me off guard was, "Is this a natural pregnancy?" I knew what she meant, but it still gave me a moment's pause before I could figure out how exactly to answer. "No, I took Clomid."

It's similar to when parents of twins are asked, "Are they natural?" I've told my twin-mommy friend OldChristine that she needs to start answering people with, "One is. The other was made with an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space."

I understand why the question is asked. However, it's the semantics of the question that got me. The language is deliberately vague in an attempt to be polite (like when people say someone has "passed on" rather than died). But I was answering questions about my medical history for Pete's sake. Less vague wording could have been used. How about, "Was this pregnancy the result of any fertility treatments or medications?" I expect precision from the medical community. I'd rather they be straightforward and accurate than condescend in an attempt to spare my feelings. Frankly, we're all smarter than that. (Or at least, I know I am and I hope they are).

Well, we're movin' on up

This morning, the time had come to break out the big bras (the D cups). I was once again digging through the rubbermaid containers of maternity clothes I haven't yet unpacked to find the second piece of maternity I've donned so far (the first being a pair of jeans I wore at home last weekend).

And, aaahhh... so comfy.

Here we go 'round the ligament pain...

With my first pregnancy, I didn't start feeling like crap until around 20 weeks.

It's easy to remember, because I happened to spend two weeks in England with a friend around the mid-way point, having been reassured by my OB that it was, in his words, "the perfect time to take a trip." In most ways it was, but it was also when my arms, wrists and hands first started falling asleep (a harbinger of the carpal tunnel and ulnar neuropathy that would have me crying in the shower many a morning within a month). And it was also when my feet started to really, really hurt by the end of the days spent walking around London or parts more remote, as my feet were starting to spread and swell. When I got home, I realized I had been wearing shoes that had become at least a half size too small for me. But up until that point, I had felt fantastic. A little fatigued during the first trimester, but other than that, nothing to complain about.

This time around, I already feel like crap. And I've felt like crap for, oh... about the last ten weeks and six days (for those of you now trying to do math on your fingers, that's since this game got started). Starting from the Clomid, continuing through the progesterone, I've had fatigue and mild nausea that have exceeded my first go-round. I've had insomnia that didn't strike last time until the third trimester. My breasts hurt continously, making me aware of their presence every moment of my day (it's an odd sensation). But the most fun of all is the round ligament pain. I know I sound like a broken record, but last time I didn't experience this until later, at least until the second trimester (and therefore it was much higher up than I'm feeling it now). Sudden movement is not my friend. Neither are coughing or sneezing.

Overall, however, the discomfort from any of this is not constant and not debilitating (no, debilitating is yet to come, I'm sure, if I use my previous pregnancy as foreshadowing). It just leaves me with a general feeling of malaise. And I really do hate to complain, because no matter what the symptoms, it's still worth it.

Sequels

I'm almost ten weeks into the production of my newest project, Baby 2: Electric Boogaloo. I noticed the other evening, as I finished one novel and picked up the next in my stack of books to read, that recently I've been reading only sequels. This was not intentional on my part, but it is an interesting coincidence. On my list of books I've read (or plan to read), since starting to gestate my very own sequel, are:

The Life of the World to Come by Kage Baker (Book 5 of The Company)

The Children of the Company by Kage Baker (Book 6 of The Company)

The Harlequin by Laurell K. Hamilton (Anita Blake, Book 15)

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J. K. Rowling (Book 6)*

Home to Big Stone Gap by Adriana Trigiani (Book 4 of the Big Stone Gap novels)

Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer (Twilight Book 3)**

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J. K. Rowling (Book 7)

Lord John and the Brotherhood of the Blade by Diana Gabaldon (Lord John Grey, Book 2)

Lord John and the Hand of Devils by Diana Gabaldon (Lord John Grey, Book 3)

I haven't bought the last three books on the list, so after I finish Home to Big Stone Gap, I need to cough up some money. (The third Lord John book doesn't even come out until the end of November, anyway.) But I'm also lazy (and sometimes cheap), so I may raid my other shelves of unread books to find something to read, before investing money in new ones. There's always the chance that Half.com or Half Price Books will save something special and inexpensive for me.

*This is where I am in my reading so far.
**I'll just borrow this one from the school library.

All I can say is... Eeeeww.

Lance Armstrong has been spotted out (dating?) with Ashley Olsen.

Because of these reports, Lance has been suspended from The List, pending an investigation. I've been toying with the idea of adding Rob Lowe to the Bottom Five, since that commercial for California he's in came out. As of now, Rob is officially the Top Five alternate replacing Lance until his suspension is up, or he is dropped from the list permanently.

Organic Milk as Calendar

If you've never bought organic milk, you need to know that it doesn't expire for six or eight weeks or more from the time you buy it. Last week, when it was still October, I bought several half-gallons that don't expire until 12/05. (Of course, we drink so much milk that we'll finish it probably before 11/05).

I remember when I was pregnant with the Monkeyboy, this served as a sort of rudimentary time-marking system for me. I'd load the milk into our fridge and think, we'll have our amnio before this milk expires. It was especially exciting for me as I got closer to the end of my pregnancy (although I would have been surprised to know how close I really was, since he came six weeks early). Every time I bought milk, it seemed, it was due to expire after we would have a baby living in the house. The concept was just too strange to comprehend.

I remember being struck with the idea that we had essentially invited someone to come live with us for at least the next eighteen years -- someone we hadn't even met yet. It was the equivalent of putting an add in the paper for a roommate and just taking the first person that showed up. Of course, as parents we influence who the baby is both before they are born and as they grow, through the effects of nature and nurture, so they're not really as much of a stranger as a real stranger would be. But, still... you never really know who's going to show up.

We have a fetus!

Actually, we've had a fetus for a couple of days. Wednesdays are the beginnings of my "weeks," and I think fetus status is conferred at ten weeks, one day (which was yesterday), but I forgot to mention it.

I told work today, just because I'm tired of hiding it. I think the ultrasound made me feel more confident, because normally I'd wait until at least the end of the first trimester, which is still twelve days away.

I tried on a pair of maternity jeans this morning, a new pair I bought at the Gap last weekend that have a hidden waistband, so they look pretty much like normal jeans. Even with the waistband adjusted to the smallest setting, they were a tiny little bit loose, but the jeans I'm wearing are starting to be uncomfortable. I usually wear a two (in my favorite, Ralph Lauren Kelly jeans), but when I was preggo with the Monkey, I bought a pair of fours, a pair of sixes and a pair of eights to wear as I grew toward maternity. I'm already in the eights. Soon I'll make the jump to maternity, because I'm tired of being uncomfortable. Thankfully, I can wear jeans and running suits and casual clothes to work, because recently I've had to become very creative with my clothing choices (both for comfort and hide-ability). But now that the cat is out of the bag, I'm a little more free with what I can wear.

C'mon... All the Cool Kids Are Doing It.

November is National Blog Posting Month, or the more lyrical NaBloPoMo. The idea is to post every day. This is going to be a challenge for me (and it is intended as a challenge, so it fulfills its purpose), especially on weekends.

There are a few things that have kept me from regular posting recently. The first was the extreme exhaustion I had during the first eight weeks or so of pregnancy (Thanks, progesterone!). At the same time, I've had a recurrence of pregnancy brain. In addition to throwing my dirty clothes in the garbage rather than the clothes hamper and trying to put the cereal away in the refrigerator, I've felt considerably less creative and witty. When I was expecting the Monkeyboy, I referred to pregnancy as "one long blond moment." The final reason for not posting is just simply not having the time. I've been very busy recently with work, doctor's appointments, a frequently-sick Monkeyboy and Halloween. This reason is the easiest to overcome, however, because I can make it a point to make time.

So, I'm going to try because I think it will be fun and I like a challenge. I'm also going to try to write posts of substance and not merely write something for the sake of posting. We'll see how it goes.

Wee N' Weigh

Today was my first prenatal appointment. I'm 9 weeks 5 days. I knew it would be the usual pee-in-a-cup, get weighed, give an updated medical history, use the doppler and go have seven hundred vials of blood drawn first appointment. My main concern was that if we didn't hear the heartbeat on the doppler, I might have to wait another month for my next appointment to confirm this pregnancy. This would be stressful in and of itself, but we were planning on announcing this pregnancy soon (as I'm starting to show), and that would mean four more weeks of trying to hide my expanding waist (and enlarging bra size).

My appointment was with the PA (who I need a cute pseudonym for, since I see her often -- I'll think about it). All went as expected (although I've gained four pounds already), even when she told me, "Don't panic if we can't find the heartbeat. It's still very early and you have an retroverted uterus, which can make it even harder to find it." My response was, "I'm just warning you that I am probably going to panic if we don't hear it, because I've been worrying about this pregnancy since before it started."

Then, of course, they couldn't find it.

The PA had a student with her, so the student ran the doppler across my lower abdomen (okay, pushed it hard against my lower abdomen), while the PA tried to move my uterus up and forward (Uh... she did this internally, for those of you who can't figure out how she'd do that). No dice.

Finally, the PA said, "I'm just going to send you for an ultrasound." And aren't those the words that any infertile wants to hear? (Well, they're on the list of words, at least).

In contrast to the office staff of just about every other health care provider I have, the staff at my OB's office is incredibly nice and accomodating. The office manager called and had the ultrasound place fit me in right away, as soon as I could get there.

The upshot: There's only one baby, it had a heartbeat, and it measures according to date. And it looks a little like Gorignak, the rock monster from Galaxy Quest.

Procrastination/Irony

Instead of updating my own blog, I've been visiting the blogs I read and feeling irritated that they haven't been updated. Yeah. Umm, okay... that makes sense.

So, in a effort to update my own blog, I thought a short, topic-specific blogroll was in order. Here is my list of Spring Due Dates Blogs -- April, May and June* -- that I check up on (in no particular order):

Murphy is a Bastard

The Vicious Cycle of Cycles

Vacant Womb - No Vacancy!

Tales From My Dusty Ovaries

Uterus x2

Life as a Sandwich

Our Dance With Infertility

That Was the Plan

Waiting on Two Pink Lines

Just When I Thought I Had It All

Conflicted

Flotsam

Baby Twiglet

Infertility Loss... and Life

Just when I thought I had it all

Having Faith

Topcat

Fatty Pants

Mrs. Ca

Southern Comfort

Mrs. Spock

Strings and Sealing Wax and Other Fancy Stuff

slackermama

Just Relax and Try Again

A Single Woman's Journey to Motherhood

Infertility Sucks!

Still Passing Open Windows...

Slaying, Blogging, Whatever...

Mommin' It Up!

fun. crazy. life.

Digital Negatives

Healing Arts

Corrie Haffly

Baby Anderson

Anna's Parapraxis

Life Thru IVF #2

Mama Loves Papa

Mom? Me?

Crossrhodes

Jen's Belly Blog

Baby Island

Chicky Chicky Baby

misszoot

Waiting for Another

A Tale of Two Mamas

Adventures in Parenting

jumping out of trees

Mommies in the making

Nothing Heavy

RaJenCreation

Waiting on Two Pink Lines

Jen's Belly Blog

Beaten but not bowed

Life on a Back Road

The Razzberry

The Sawyer Saga

Are we there yet?

Thwarted Repeatedly

It's Taking a Village

Smart As Allison

The Baby Bug

The crazy life of Jodie

I Don't Want Sextuplets

Angela's Daily Struggle

Teatopia

we are fambly

What to Expect When You're NOT Expecting

At This Point, I'll Take an Evap - (Nevermind, not anymore!)

This list was complied by my own searching and blogrolls of other blogs I read, as well as some help from Babes in Blogland and The Stirrup Queen's famous blogroll.

Note: I'll be back later to add links to those who don't have them. Some of these are saved on my favorites on my home computer and the stupid firewall here at work blocks Babes in Blogland because it thinks it's por(no)graphy.

UPDATE COMPLETE!

*And, no, not that April, May and June!

What I got*

Of all the things I dreaded or outright feared when I was pregnant the first time, it was often a surprise what I got and what I didn't get.

What I feared, but didn't get:

• Morning Sickness
• Stretch Marks (Maybe because the Monkey came six weeks early?)
• Placenta Previa (I started with a low placenta, so this was a concern)
• Gestational Diabetes
• Pre-eclampsia
• Breech presentation
  
• Hemorrhoids
• Postpartum Depression

What I got instead:

• Swollen feet (up a whole size!)
• Sciatic nerve pain
• Carpal Tunnel
• Ulnar Neuropathy
• Bell's Palsy
• Restless Leg Syndrome
• Premature birth

My friend H2, who also happens to be my general practitioner, jokes with me about how I got all the "weird" stuff. Yes, if pregnancy could take a strange turn, that was me. Of course, I did things like call her at home on a Saturday morning to tell her I thought I had diagnosed myself, over the internet (and she hates Dr. Google!), with Bell's Palsy. Which I had.

What will it be this time around? Stay tuned to find out.


*Not the answer to the famous question, "What'dya get?" which we all know is "I didn't get nothing... I had to pay fifty dollars and pick up the garbage."

They should start playing the lottery

"It won't take much for Jenna and William Cotton to remember the birthday of the newest member of their family. Daughter Kayla was born Tuesday, which was Oct. 2 — the same date her brothers were born on. Ayden Cotton arrived on Oct. 2, 2003; Logan was born Oct. 2, 2006."

"The odds of a family having three children born on the same date in different years are about 7.5 in 1 million, said Bill Notz, a statistics professor at Ohio State University."

Couple gives birth to third Oct. 2 baby

I have tried to like Wilco

I got an email newsletter recently from one of the many local music venues informing me that Wilco is coming to do a show and I can't miss it. They seem like an obvious fit for me. I have eclectic taste. I like lots of indie artists. I like the Folk scene. I like Alt-Country. I listen to Ryan Adams, Whiskeytown, Old 97's, Rhett Miller, etc, etc. Why not Wilco?

I memoed Wilco on Sirius many months ago, so I could familiarize myself with them and maybe pick an album or two to get. Maybe the issue is that Sirius tends to get stuck in a groove and then will play only the same one or two songs of certain artists. (I took the Indigo Girls off memo because all Sirius ever played was "Galileo.") But none of the Wilco songs I heard struck me. Not stayed with me. I was underwhelmed.

Then last night on an episode of The Bionic Woman, the soundtrack included the song "What Light," which I immediately identified. I liked it a lot better as the backdrop for the scene than I had the times I've heard it on the radio. So now I'm wondering if I could come to like Wilco.

Bumpwatch 2007

Six weeks pregnant today, but already I'm starting to get a belly. It's just a little one, and not enough that anyone would really notice if they didn't know what to look for. However, I'm genetically blessed to have a flat stomach by nature (I've got other faults, so simmer down), and that makes it easy for me to notice that I can no longer even suck my stomach flat.

During my first pregnancy, I was able to hide it until into the second trimester. Superstitious by nature, we wanted to keep it secret until we heard the heartbeat (which we are also doing this time). But even then, I kept not wanting to tell people. I was probably fourteen weeks pregnant when we went out on our friends' boat with a group of people. What tipped the women off wasn't seeing my pregnant belly in a swimsuit -- you could still barely tell -- it was that I wasn't drinking beer and that my breasts had gotten noticeably larger. The school year had ended right at 12 weeks. I was just starting to have to do the rubber band trick on my jeans. I told only a very few friends on the last day of school and as a result, everyone else was shocked when I showed up three months later with a gigantic 25 week belly.

This time however, I'm concerned that I won't be able to hide it until the end of the first trimester. My first appointment isn't until ten weeks, so that's my first goal. I'd just like to get that confirmation before people at work start noticing. I work with mostly women and they seem to be pretty sharp about that sort of thing.

In the morning, my waist looks almost normal, but by evening, I'm very bloated. I'm glad I started to take belly pictures at four weeks. It will be interesting to see the progression.

Can We Talk About the Didgeridoo?

If you've been paying attention, you may have noticed that I updated my Current iPod Playlist in the Sidebar. When I whipped together this playlist, I added Dar Williams' "As Cool As I Am," but didn't stop to wonder whether I should add the live version from Out There Live or the studio version from Mortal City. The Hubster and I picked up Mortal City when we saw her live last month, and I've only had a chance to listen to it once.

So today as the Monkeyboy and I were making a shopping trip (cut short by his crabbiness due to a cold), I listened to my new playlist. The version that made the list was the studio version and I have to say that I prefer the live version. (In fact, I find I prefer the live version of many of her songs, probably because she's got that acoustic/singer-songwriter thing going). The studio version is more up-tempo and I feel that causes the lyrics to lose some of their "reflective" mood. But the true deal breaker for me was the didgeridoo.

Dar Williams – As Cool As I Am

I remember now when the Hubster and I played the CD on the way home from the show that we both exclaimed in surprise when we heard it. We were intrigued. In fact, although we laughed about it, we decided we were impressed that someone could effectively use one in an American folk song.

But now as I listen to it again, I just find it distracting. (It sounds a lot louder in my car than it does on that embeded version). It doesn't mean that I dislike it; it just means that I prefer the version that's just Dar and the guitar.*

*And yes, I know that rhymes. Not intentional.

Edited to correct: Upon a comparison listening of the two songs (not basing my opinion on just my memory), I realize that the version on Out There Live is also an up-tempo version with more instruments than just an acoustic guitar (no didgeridoo, though). And now I'm torn between the two versions. I don't know if my memory of an acoustic version was based on seeing her live this summer, or what. Blame it on pregnancy brain...

Together Again

My work friend C, who was also trying to concieve, has been successful! Last night around 6:45 p.m., I got a text message from her that said: I think I'm pregnant! Very faint line but def there! I was so excited I got chills.

We were pregnant together the first time, and we were both trying this summer, but we were both worried that one of us would be successful and one wouldn't. I personally thought it would be her, since she's ten years younger than me and only took three months to concieve her daughter. But then this cycle (which was to be her last try until next spring, because she can't afford to take time off during the school year), she thought her timing was off and she had missed her chance. She didn't even tell me she was going to test, but last night she was in Walmart and the tests just called out to her.

I'm praying that this goes well for both of us. I have such a hard time not worrying, especially in the beginning. I can't believe our good fortune that this baby is planned to coincide perfectly with the school year. I keep expecting something to take that away from us. I need to hear a heartbeat, but my first prenatal appointment isn't until the end of October. Once that happens, I'll worry until my amnio at 16 weeks. Then I'll worry until 24 weeks, when the baby is viable. Then I'll worry until delivery.

I asked the Hubster what he thought about renting or buying a doppler this time, and he said, "I have a better idea; why don't I just yell really loudly at your uterus every night?" Okay, I understand his feelings... but he didn't have to be so sarcastic about it.

Obsessing on hCG levels

From Babymed.

Repeat beta

Repeat beta was 295 at 14 dpo. Wow! I will say no more on the subject of multiples, other than I am still above the median beta for both singleton (118) and multiples (210) as of 14 dpo. Progesterone was 272 at 12dpo and 420 at 14dpo, but my doctor still wants me to stay on the Prochieve until I am eight weeks.

On a related note, I tried a Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor stick in a Clearblue Easy Digital Pregnancy Test last night as an experiment. It said "pregnant." Now, I don't know if it would give a false positive if you weren't pregnant (the sticks are meant to pick up LH and Estrogen, and LH is a near twin of hCG) but it won't give a false negative. It also saved me ten bucks from not having to buy a digital to have a picture for the baby book.

Beta, beta... Saaa-wing, beta!*

My first beta came back at 91 at 12dpo. According to Betabase, that's slightly above average, so I felt pretty good about it. After I talked to the doctor's office, I texted the Hubster.

Me: My beta hcg level was 91 at 12dpo. That's good. If you want more info, try betabase.info
Hubster: (obviously after consulting Betabase) It's nice to see that your level is firmly in the multiples range, too.
Me: I've heard that a high beta doesn't necessarily mean multiples.
Hubster: On the charts, levels for multiples were higher than for singles. And yours was above the median for both, but within the range for both.

What I didn't tell him is that a high hcg level can also indicate a molar pregnancy or down's syndrome. I'm not jumping to any conclusions. I'm going to wait until the repeat comes back before I freak out about anything. I know you can't base anything on a single beta result.

Today after work, I rush to get to the hospital lab before it closes so I can have my second beta done.

*Okay, who's tired of the cheesy puns already?

Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!*

I was every bit as shocked yesterday when I got a positive home pregnancy test at 12 dpo as I was when I got one at 12dpo with the Monkeyboy. I've been so superstitious this cycle, I didn't even have a "good" test in the house, so I tested with a Dollar Store test and an internet cheapie strip. The Dollar Store test looked just like it did with the Monkeyboy! The cheapie did, too!

So I took a sick day and went to get a quantitative blood test (beta), which I will repeat tomorrow to make sure it's doubling. I also bought a "real" test, an Answer Early, and got a nice, dark line. Of course, I'm sure I will test frequently this week until I get my betas back.

Already, though, this feels different than July when I had the early miscarriage. This feels just like it did with the Monkey. Sore breasts, mild crampiness, exhaustion, the powerful-sense-of-smell (my pregnancy superpower), a little very mild nausea (I never had morning sickness last time, just mild nausea when my stomach was empty).

My due date is May 28. Even if this baby comes early (like the Monkeyboy), it's still perfect timing for a teacher. I got my wish! (In more ways than one).

*You know in your mind you heard Gomer Pyle say that!

No News is Good News

There are a lot of cutesy acronyms and expression used on message boards for women trying to conceive. Baby dust, sticky vibes... I don't know that I've ever used any of them. I stick to the acronyms that are merely practical: TTC (trying to conceive), CD (cycle day), DPO (days past ovulation), CBEFM (Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor). These save me time from having to write out the long words. Practical.

In fact, one of the cutesy ones has never made sense to me: PUPO. Pregnant until proven otherwise. It just seemed like the height of denial to think that way. Women would use that expression and I'd put them in the same category as women who analyze possible pregnancy symptoms at 2 DPO. That's a nice fantasy world you live in, Darlin'. (Or, as Fraser Crane once asked of Cliff Claven, "I wonder... what color is the sky in your world, Cliff?"). I just couldn't understand that kind of thinking.

Until this cycle. In every medicated cycle, because I take progesterone, I have to test at some point. Because if I'm not pregnant, I have to stop the progesterone so I can get my period and be on to the next cycle. So for my first three cycles of Clomid, I've tested. Every month my doctor has sent me for a progesterone check and quantitative hCG. I've also tested at home first, though. Based on the fact that somehow there are a lot of crazy women on my message boards that get positives at 8 and 9 DPO, I've started testing at 8 or 9 DPO. And I've tested every day (sometimes twice a day, I'm embarassed to admit) up through day 13, 14, and sometimes 15, through when I stopped progesterone and my period eventually came.

This month I don't want to test. Last month my doctor's secretary forgot to send me the prescription for my bloodwork, so I called and she told me I could pick on up on my way to the lab. This month again, I again have no prescription, but I didn't call to ask for one. And I'm not yet going to take a home pregnancy test. I don't want to face stark white negative after negative. I want to live with the illusion that maybe, it's possible, it could be that this time it worked. If I don't test, I have nothing to contradict that assumption. I'm pregnant until proven otherwise.

So I finally understand what those women are talking about. Just like me, they realize that there are only a few days each cycle when hope is alive. There are only a few peaceful days when I'm not taking a medication, or testing and waiting for ovulation, or scheduling reproductive sex, or taking pregnancy tests. It's nice to treasure those days, preserve it for as long as possible.

Today I am 9 DPO. I am going to try to resist testing until Monday morning, when I'll be 12 DPO. By that time I can be fairly certain of whatever result I get. If it's negative, I'll test again at 13 DPO and then stop my progesterone. And be on to the next cycle.

I also (finally!) called today and made an appointment with the RE for October 9.

6DPO

Six days past ovulation. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but it's hard not to. I'll have an idea by this weekend if this cycle is a success.

Today I gave my work friend C a few supplies: a tube of Pre-Seed, a packet of Pre, six OPKs and what I had left of a bottle of EPO. This may be her last cycle TTC until next summer. She told me after her last cycle failed that this time she wasn't going to get all worked up this cycle, worry about it, test, or anything. And then I have to go, like the drug dealer I am, and bring her all the tools of obsession. (Last cycle I brought her cheapie HPTs to test with, too.)

Over the weekend, my friend H told me about a baby girl she knew about that might be available for adoption. The Hubster and I haven't discussed adoption since we were trying to get pregnant the first time, three years ago. At that point we had decided that if we weren't pregnant by a certain month, we'd start the adoption process. We had decided against IVF, since we had limited money and it was no guarantee (I know too many women who've paid thousands for no success). My sister-in-law had done IVF unsuccessfully and was pursuing adoption when she -- like all those stories we hear -- got pregnant with her miracle baby naturally (to be followed by another miracle baby two and a half years later). But I asked her opinion on all of it and she said if she had it to do over again, she would've gone straight to adoption. In her words, "Pregnancy lasts nine months, Motherhood is forever." She said that she assessed her goals and realized that parenting, not gestating, was what it was all about. And adoption is a lot closer to a guarantee of parenthood than IVF, especially if you are spending the same money.

We pursued information about this little girl for about a day, as we decided that we were very interested in her. What we discovered is that the situation is very complicated. The little girl (about 18 months old) has an infant brother who is in the process of being adopted by a couple who are also interested in adopting the little girl. Their father, who put them both into foster care, never bonded with the little boy, as he was a newborn when he was put into foster care, but did bond with the little girl. Right now the adoptive family is waiting for the boy's adoption to be finalized before they pursue the little girl, because they're worried that -- due some sketchy behavior on the part of the birth father -- both adoptions could end up canceled if they don't set the course appropriately. I hope it works out for them, because I think that the siblings should be together.

But it made me realize that even though we already have a biological child, we're still open to the idea of adoption. I have been thinking about it recently, but wondering what it would be like to have a family that was blended like that. (What I really should be thinking is, Duh, Jen, The Hubster has an adopted sister you've known for over twenty years, since she was a child. What's that like?). Sometimes I just can't see the forest for the trees.

Risk

Here's something I didn't know. The risk of multiple births is higher from IUI than it is from IVF, mainly because IVF allows more control over how many eggs are fertilized and transfered.

Scary.

Ambivalence

Call it a defense mechanism, but I'm starting to feel the same low-level ambivalence that I felt earlier this spring when we started to try for baby #2. At the time I think I was trying to protect myself against the stress that I knew was coming. The sense of urgency, the long waits, the feeling of failure, the inevitable depression.

I told myself that it might be better to quit while I was ahead. I have a healthy son and, since I'm getting older, that might not happen again. I also didn't suffer much "damage" from my pregnancy. I escaped stretch marks (the Monkey was six weeks early and I've heard that most stretch marks come in the last month). My breast are a little less perky, but I'm hoping to be able to lift them once I'm done with kids. If I never got pregnant again, I could fix them that much earlier. We are struggling to try to get the modifications done to the house sooner rather than later in case we have another baby. If we didn't have another, we could take our time with those projects.

Then I pushed all those thoughts away. I've always thought that I would have kids (plural). I have many misgivings about only children (based on a mother and three close friends that are only children). I think that it would be lonely and burdensome to be an only child. (This is only my opinion. Your mileage may vary). So we forged ahead with the fertility treatment.

Since then, more recent events have made me again start thinking that maybe just one kid wouldn't be the worst life development ever:

The first cycle of Clomid didn't work. Or the second (well, not really). Or the third. Now I'm on my fourth and facing making an appointment with an RE and spending money we don't have to conceive a child (you know, that thing that most other people get to do for free).

Toward the end of this summer, a woman who was about my age, who had a child that was about the Monkeyboy's age, who was a member of Fertility Friend (my online charting program and message board), died while giving birth to baby #2. (The baby surivived.) This had the Holy Shit! effect on me. Apparently she had a very rare complication, an amniotic embolism. Yes, it's very rare, but still... it gave me pause.

Just yesterday, one of my friends at work, Y, asked if the Hubster and I wanted to put together a team with him for the 24 Hour Championship Challenge next August. I would've been the token chick on the team so they could compete in the 5-person Co-ed category. I haven't done a mountain bike race since I did the 24 Hours of Snowshoe back in 2001. But since I don't know where I'll be in terms of fertility treatment/pregnancy/post-birth infant-care & breastfeeding, I can't commit. They have to enter as a 4-man Sport team (they can't even enter as a vet/master team, because Y won't be 35 yet (as the Hubster put it, "Damn kid!").

My sister-in-law is obsessed with the house we stayed in at the Outer Banks this summer and wants to try to get together a group of families to rent it again next summer. The $100 per month that we'd have to put away to be able to do that is just not possible with the chance of having to pay out-of-pocket for more advanced fertility treatments. And even if we could afford it, just like with the mountian bike race, I don't know where I'll be in the Baby #2 process. I'd love to be one of those women that says "I'm not going to schedule my life around this" but at my age, it's what I have to do.

Deep down I still want another baby. I think that this ambivalence -- this pretended ambivalence -- really is a defense mechanism. The proverbial sour grapes.

Lyrically Speaking

Jennifer Juniper, hair of golden flax
Jennifer Juniper, longs for what she lacks
Do you like her? Yes, I do, sir.
Would you love her? Yes, I would, sir.
What'cha doin', Jennifer my love?

-- Donovan, "Jennifer Juniper," The Hurdy Gurdy Man (1968)

Peak!

There are many places where I've read that you might not get a peak the first month using a fertility monitor, because the monitor needs to learn your cycles. However, this morning I got a peak reading (backed up by a very positive OPK, done at 5:00 a.m. to boot).

Even if I hadn't gotten a peak, though, I think I would have known that this was it. I've had pretty serious ovulation pain these past few months on Clomid. This month is no exception. It has me curious as to whether that's all it is, simple ovulation pain, or whether it could signal something else, like an ovarian cyst. (I'm sure I'll be consulting Dr. Google before too long.)

I still haven't called the RE to make an appointment, but I also need to call the vet and the dentist to make appointments that are completely unrelated to my fertility (one would hope!), so I think it's just general procrastination and not some other subconscious impulse.

Project CM

This cycle, since I'm not taking estradiol, I'm a little more worried about my uterine lining than usual, because for some women Clomid can thin it. Even in unmedicated cycles, I usually don't have much fertile cervical mucus (CM), the bodily fluid that is like a superhighway for sperm (just another side-effect of being old, I guess). On top of my natural deficit, Clomid can negatively effect fertile CM (in previous cycles, the estradiol was also supposed to help with this).

So I decided that instead of just supplementing with Pre-Seed (the sperm friendly lubricant) like I usually do, I'd actually take some steps to try to improve my own supply of fertile CM.

Some women swear by Evening Primrose Oil (EPO), and I've taken it in the past, but since I'm already taking Omega 3-6-9, I thought I better not. What I will do is eat baby carrots and drink some green tea (not too much, though, because green tea can interfere with the body's ability to absorb folic acid).

I'm curious to see if this will make a difference. I've had a decent amount of CM already this cycle, which is unsual for me. But going into this weekend and through the beginning of next week (when I expect to ovulate) is when it's going to be most important.

Crying Baby, Puking Cat

Four days into the school year and I would've taken a sick day if it weren't for the simple fact that I just mentioned... it's only four days into the school year.

The Monkey has been doing this nightwaking/night terrors thing a couple of time a week that we can't seem to get a handle on. So for the last two nights I've been up around 1:00 or 2:00 a.m. trying to calm him down and get him back to sleep. I was talking about this with a friend over the weekend and she commented on how, when you have a newborn, you learn to function on very little sleep for a long period of time. Then once you're back in the everyone-sleeps-through-the-night groove, having that pattern interrupted feels like absolute torture and ruins your entire day.

To add to the joy of it all, last night after the house had just finally gotten back to sleep, the Jungle Cat decided it was time to yark up a big pool of something. Of course I had to get up again to clean it up. He's had a few of these vomiting episodes recently, so it seems like a trip to the vet is in order. This is not your regular old cat puke, this is projectile vomiting of large proportions. Yuck.

So that was my night. Not as theatrically spectacular as Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, but with much less sword-play.

This is why The List is fluid.

I just need to say that I'm a little disappointed in Dave Grohl. Based on the video for The Pretender, he's let his hair grow again and his beard fill out and so, to me, he's just not as hot as he once was.


We'll call this picture, Old Hot Dave.

He's not off The List yet, but I'm keeping my eyes (and options) open.

But, wait... there's more!

On Wednesday I started back to work (school) and spent some time talking to my friend C. She has a daughter almost exactly 5 months younger than the Monkeyboy. (Born a little after 1 a.m. a day too late. I always tell her, "If you would have just pushed a little harder, they could have been exactly five months apart...")

She has also been trying to get pregnant again this summer. We teachers always aim for the spring months -- April, May and June -- because then we can maximize our maternity leave. We don't really get a lot of other paid days we can take throughout the year, since we have this "built in"vacation. With her daughter, they were successful on month 3 of trying and were lucky enough to have a spring due date. This time they're on month 3 of trying (in the Two Week Wait right now) for #2. She and her hubby are younger than the Hubster and I and they're building a house, so financially if they don't conceive by October they have to take a break until next summer. They just can't afford for her to take off too much time during the school year. (Her hubby also tends to get seasonally laid off.) I wish her the best. She emailed me about a month ago to tell me she wasn't pregnant yet (and to ask if I was) and I was so disappointed. She's one of those people I expect to get pregnant easily, so it's like, if she can't...

After talking to her a bit, getting her take on things, I decided to call my OB (I wish I could come up with a cool nom de guerre for him like other blogs do for their doctors, but I haven't been able to come up with anything that fits yet). I thought that although he originally said he'd only let me do three cycles of Clomid before referring me to an RE, the fact that I had that early miscarriage in July might make a difference. I mean, it shows that Clomid works for me and that I can get pregnant.

So I called him on Wednesday, spoke to the nurse and left a message. I never heard back. I called on Thursday and spoke to the nurse again. I explained I had already left a message the day before. She remembered and was surprised he hadn't called me back already. I explained that I was at that moment on Cycle Day 3 and if he would let me do another Clomid cycle I needed to start that day. I explained how I wondered if my miscarriage made a difference when it came to the "three cycles" deal. She put me on hold and when she came back said that, although the doctor was doing surgery, she spoke to the PA (who I love!) and the PA said that "it was not unreasonable to think that they'd let you [me] do another cycle or two of Clomid, because of the miscarriage." And that the doctor would call me back when he got out of surgery.

Which he didn't do.

This morning, my nerves stretched taught like a bowstring (after quietly crying myself to sleep last night), I called again. The nurse was surprised (again!) that he hadn't called me back. She said that he was due in the office at 10:30 and promised that he would call me this morning.

Let me just say, I was so irritated that I almost made an RE appointment before he even had a chance to call me back. That's how sure I was that his not calling me back was a reflection of his unwillingness to let me cycle again. But I told myself: "This is an OB/GYN in a solo practice (Yes, very rare in this day and age, but you know exactly who will have his hand(s) up your hoo-ha at your delivery). Maybe he was at a delivery or some other emergency last night. See what he has to say."

I'm so very glad I waited.

He called (a little after 11:00) and said that yes, it made complete sense to do another cycle of Clomid. I had a clear HSG. I had gotten pregnant on Clomid, but it just hadn't stuck. It was working. So we could do another cycle. He also explained that when he said three cycles, he was saying he didn't want to waste my time if it wasn't working. I was 37, not 27... and that makes a lot of difference.

I agree. During my wait for his call, I checked out the CDC statistics for the fertility clinic I'm considering. Did you know that when they compute success rates, they group patients into categories by age and those age groups are:

• <35
• 35-37
• 38-40
• 41-42

I was surprised that 37 was a "cut off" for an age group. My doctor explain that just as there's a drop in fertility at age 35, there's another serious drop at 37. So, he said diplomatically, time is of the essence.

I may make an appointment with the RE anyway, just in case there's a waiting list. And to get the preliminary tests out of the way. But for now, I'm cycling again. This cycle, because of the delay, I'm doing 50 mgs of Clomid days 4-8 (instead of 3-7) and foregoing the Estradiol because he "doesn't think that it's important." (Okay, whatever, he's the one with the M.D). I'm still going to use Prochieve after O.

And the most wonderful news of all: When I went to pick up my prescription, there were two refills. That made me the happiest of all.

My List, Revisited

You know My List?

Well, it turns out that John Corbett has a band. The John Corbett Band. And they tour. And they're coming to a city near me. Tomorrow.

Frieda and I are going to go.

School's In!

The school year started today, for teachers at least. I'm not glad to be back, but I'm glad to be back in a routine.

On To an RE

The third and final cycle of Clomid was a bust. (My period just started as I was writing this. Yay.) I've been posting on message boards asking for help navigating insurance and references for a doctor, since it looks like I'm moving on to a Reproductive Endocrinologist.

When I put in my temp yesterday, Fertility Friend took away my crosshairs and said it couldn't determine a clear ovulation date. To restore my O date, I had to go in and exclude one pre-O temp that was very high (because of the Clomid maybe?) and one post-O temp that was very low (I've been sleeping with my mouth open because of my allergies). Still, it's just one more thing that makes me wonder what's going on with my cycles.

Things I'm also doing different, while I wait for an RE appointment:

Ordered a Clearblue Fertility Monitor off eBay. I figured it can't hurt and might help me make sense of my cycles. I thought I knew what was going on with my body, until the Ovusoft software made me question what I thought I knew. Because I'm such a control freak, though, I still plan on using OPKs. Shhh... don't tell The Hubster. He thinks this will save me money in the long run from not having to buy OPKs. He also isn't aware that the monitor takes sticks which are more expensive than my internet cheapie OPKs.

Started Vaginal Temping. I haven't been taking my allergy medicines (yes, that's a S -- there are several I take) because of this whole TTC thing, so I've really been suffering this summer. I've also been sleeping with my mouth open and my temps have been really kerflooey. I've resisted vaginal temping, not because I'm squeamish (nothing could be further from the truth), but because it seems like a little more of a pain ...and it seems a little weird, too. But to sort out the temp confusion, I ordered a new BD Basal Thermometer and started vaginal temping a couple of days ago. I'm still oral temping, too, for comparison. That's a whole lotta beeping going on in the morning.

Started Taking Omega 3-6-9. Yes, this is one of those kooky things that people suggest on message boards, but what can it hurt? I've taken Evening Primrose Oil (EPO) in the past to try to increase my CM and I think I remember it working, but it's not safe to take after O (can cause uterine contractions). Also, you can't take it with Clomid. Omega 3-6-9 has moved up the O date of some women who are later-ovulators or even annovulatory, so I figured it's worth a shot.

I have some phone calls I still need to make to find an RE, although I already have an idea of where I'll go. But since I know several people who've used REs in the past five years, I thought I'd ask them all what they thought before making a final decision. I also have to check with our insurance to see what exactly is covered and what is excluded ("assisted fertilization" is excluded, but what exactly do they mean by that?).

My List

There are so many types of lists I could be referring to, but this one is the Friends-inspired list of celebrities you're allowed to sleep with and no one can get mad, even if you're already in a relationship. I personally have spun off that theme into two levels, Top 5 and Bottom 5 based on different qualifications. I have some very specific requirements, but this is my fantasy, after all.

Top 5
My Top 5 are celebrities that I think are really smart, cool and interesting:

• Lance Armstrong
  
• Dave Grohl (with the short hair and stubbly beard he's had since around 2002 when One by One came out)
• John Corbett (circa Northern Exposure, or even his second round as Aiden on Sex and the City)
  
• Edward Norton
• Keanu Reeves (Yes, I know, there's all the "Is he really gay? controversy, but ever since Point Break, I've had this thing for him. He must have short hair, though, if he's going to git wit me.)
  

Bottom 5
This is sort of the "alternates" list. For The Hubster, I always tell him it's where he should put women who can substitute in case one of his Top 5 is unable to fulfill her duties (for example, if she's pregnant). For me, these are celebrities that I'd like to sleep with, but that aren't allowed to talk because they'd probably annoy me. You know what I mean, they have to come over after 9 p.m. and aren't allowed to still be there in the morning (definitely must qualify as hot to make this list):

• Ryan Reynolds (with the body he had in Blade III)
• Taye Diggs (Did you know his real first name is Scott and that "Taye" is a shortened form of the nickname "Scottaye?")
• Heath Ledger
  

(That's all I can think of right now for my Bottom 5. I'm just too damn picky.)

A third list, just for fun, is my "Fictional Characters" list. These are fictional characters that I'd like to date. Not the actors that play them, just the characters they play (but I guess in that case, I'd have to be a fictional character, too).

• Dr. John Carter (ER)
• Josh Lyman (The West Wing)

One additional note. Unlike the traditional "laminated list" (which cannot be changed), The Hubster and I frequently change our list (especially our Bottom 5, which pretty much has a revolving door). However, any changes must be announced well in advance. I've already told him that it won't work to walk in somewhere and say "Hey-there's-Eva-Longoria-oh-yeah-she's-on-my-list" if it's the first time you've mentioned her. It goes against the whole essence of the list.

Holy Discrepancies, Batman!

Although I have been using Fertility Friend charting for three years now (!), I decided to buy the Ovusoft software (The Taking Charge of Your Fertility Software) to use, too. I tried the fifteen day free trial of Ovusoft back in May because FF seemed off that month, so I wanted a second opinion. I liked it, although there are some big differences between the two programs.

Yesterday the software came in the mail, so I spent hours inputting all my data for the last three years. The results have been shocking. Although Fertility Friend always has given me an ovulation date, Ovusoft has me as annovulatory for just about every cycle since the monkeyboy was born, except the ones where I used an OPK. However, even for the ovulatory cycles, it hasn't given me any coverlines, so I'm wondering is something off with the program or the settings.

I'm still fiddling with it, and I'll probably end up posting on the message boards there asking for help, but it does have me wondering a couple of things. First of all, if I have been annovulatory all those cycles, then I definitely need medication to help me ovulate. But also, if Ovusoft is right, then what's up with Fertility Friend? Here I've been thinking every month that I have a biphasic shift and an ovulation pattern (based on their assessment), but that may not be true and I should have been more aggressive with fertility treatment this summer.

I'm not sure who to believe.

Oh, yeah: BFN on the home pregnancy tests I've taken, so although the bloodwork results from yesterday aren't back yet, it still looks like I'm onto see an RE.

Cycle News*

Where I'm at: CD21, 6DPO
Cycle # 3 of Clomid, Estradiol and Progesterone.

The Hubster and I only had to attempt procreative sex twice while at the crowded beach house, but I didn't actually O until a few days after we came home, so we were able to make our best attempts at home.

For obvious reasons, I'm not feeling optimistic. This is the last cycle my OB will let me do with him. He's referring me to an RE after this. I don't know how we would begin to afford this, after all the financial difficulties we've experienced recently.

That's where it stands. I go this coming Friday (the 17) for bloodwork.


*And no, I do not mean Cycle News.

Dar Williams

Last night Dar Williams played a free concert at a nearby outdoor amphitheater. Since it was a nice family-friendly venue, we decided to go and take the Monkeyboy (to save the money we'd have paid a babysitter). Also, it would be his first concert and I thought it was a good choice of artist, venue and crowd for that.

The show was excellent, and though the turn out was good, it wasn't crowded. Many people brought children or dogs (or children and dogs), and everyone had food and drink. The Hubster was disappointed that he hadn't brought any beer, since although it was not technically permitted, everyone had alcohol, some even had wine in wineglasses. The crowd was mellow, so security didn't seem to care.

On the drive there, we debated what we thought she'd play and what we hoped she'd play. the Hubster said he was sure she's play The Babysitter's Here and The Christians and the Pagans. I agreed, and she did. He wanted to hear Spring Street and Iowa and he did (Iowa was the encore). I wanted to hear As Cool As I Am (yes!) and What Do You Hear in These Sounds (no --bummer). One newer song I hadn't heard (we haven't bought her new album yet) was Teen for God. She also played the Mercy of the Fallen and Are you Out There. This is by far not a complete set list; I can't remember everything she played.

There was a group of women and children up front that screamed and danced and had a great time, which Dar seemed to enjoy. When she discussed her DVD, she said it made her aware that she talks a lot during her sets, maybe too much, but the yelling and clapping that followed that statement showed that the crowd didn't agree. When that happened she laughed and thanked everyone for the sentiment.

Although the show didn't even start until the Monkeyboy's bedtime, he was a trooper throughout. He enjoyed himself, had some snacks, met some dogs and did some dancing, even if he didn't pay too much attention to Dar herself.

The crowd was nice, clean and polite. And although we left quickly when it ended, I bet there wasn't any litter.

Warped Tour

Yesterday (as part of my Big Birthday Celebration), the Hubster and I went to the Warped Tour. My main motivation was to see Bad Religion and Flogging Molly, although there were some other bands I wanted to check out, too. We were supposed to have been accompanied by Frieda and Beamer & OldChristine, but all three bailed the night before (which was rude).

It was a record-setting high temperature of a day (91), humidity at 75-90%, forecast with isolated thunderstorms. Although the doors opened at 11:00, we didn't arrive until almost 1:00 due to a late wake-up and terrible traffic.

It wasn't as crowded as I expected it to be, but the crowd demographics were what I thought they'd be: mostly teens and twenties, with some thirties, forties and even older people scattered throughout. We were by far not the oldest people there, but we were on the upper end of the spectrum.

As were were orienting ourselves to the layout, we passed on of the smaller stages on which Lourds was playing. I'd never seen or heard of them before, but the few songs I heard left me impressed and curious enough to buy their CD. I'm also always looking for new women in music.

We had a beer and wandered around, but made sure to hear Tiger Army play mid-afternoon. My favorite thing about them (in addition to the music) was that they had an electric-blue upright bass. Unexpected. It started to lightly rain during their set, but as the weather had been hot, sunny and humid it was a welcome change. Afterwards, the days remained mostly overcast which sort of took the edge off.

I was interested in hearing Meg and Dia (who I ended up being unimpressed by), so we got an ice cream cone (to beat the heat) and went to sit at the main pavilion which was set up as both the Smart Punk stage and the Hurley.com stage. I was exhausted, so I leaned back in my seat, closed my eyes and drifted off for a bit. It's amazing that I could take a nap in an uncomfortable stadium style seat, in 90-degree heat, during a punk show, but it's a skill I honed during my years of college, ebing able to nap just about anywhere. The band that played while I "napped" (I was still sort-of aware of what was going on) I found out later was called Static Lullaby. I thought it was very fitting, because that's what it was. Lots of distortion and unintelligible lyrics, which I tried to sleep through.

Following Static Lullaby was Boys Like Girls, who I was also unfamiliar with, but had clear expectations based on all the cute, clean-cut teenage girls wearing their t-shirts. They were entertaining, if not unique, and had a pop sound.

Hawthorne Heights was finishing up their set as we made our way towards the Lucky stage to hear the big hitters of the late afternoon. Paramour followed them, playing on the next stage over. I liked them and think I maybe should've picked up a CD (in my quest for women rockers). Coheed and Cambria I didn't enjoy as much as I thought I would, although they are talented.

Two of the later bands of the day were who we came to see. Bad Religion played an awesome set and made the whole day well worth the trip. They're so earnest in their lyrics, so political. The Hubster commented that he gestures like he's having a conversation with you as he sings. I was disappointed that they didn't play Los Angeles is Burning (my favorite), but all their material is great. What other band could use "transubstantiation" in their lyrics and have it flow very naturally?

Flogging Molly followed Bad Religion on the same stage. They were also very good (I've seen them before). One disappointment is that they chose to play two of their new, unreleased songs. Normally I don't mind -- and even welcome -- hearing new material, but in a festival environment when a band only plays a half-hour set, they should stick to what people want. Playing a new songs means there's something I was hoping hear didn't get played. I can allow for one, but two?

As for mosh pits and the like, there was nothing too large or amazing, although people moshed and crowd-surfed at all the major sets. The biggest asshole of the day award goes to the guy who got up to crowd surf with a lighted cigarette in his hand. If I was up there, I'd have dropped him on his head.

On that note, there's one more thing I must comment on. I've never been to any sort of venue, festival or otherwise, where I have seen so much littering and general disregard for the common good. In addition to bottles, cups and food wrappers strewn about, people seemed to deliberately find stuff to turn into litter (the Krishnas were handing out free books on "enlightenment" and I saw a few that had been shredded and thrown on the ground). Also, there were groups of immature teenage and twenty-something boys who threw bottles and things into the crowd and mosh pits, for the purpose of just generally stirring the pot. During one set, apparently a guy in a mosh pit deliberately threw an entire beer at a girl. I can't remember the band, but the lead singer pointed him out as security came to drag the guy away. My solution to all this: The idiots running the "Anarchy" booth should have to clean up the grounds the next day.

It was a great (if draining) day. We capped it off by a late showing of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.